Musings

Sometimes having too much time is a bad thing.  When you have burdens on your mind, and nothing to otherwise occupy you, you think thoughts that can stir fears and doubts.  The slow motion day yesterday was one of those times.  What are we really doing? Why are we here?  Is this really the best thing for Julia?  Sitting at the table at the pizza place and watching her having fun with her friends, and knowing that in just a few minutes she would get in a car and never see them again, I wondered at the meaning of adoption.  What did God know before He adopted His children? ( I know God knows all things - that's not what I mean).  Did He expect me to be grateful? Would I grasp the significance of what He saved me from, and the potential of the path He set me on?  Would I wish for the old way of life and old friends, or would I be happy knowing that what lay before me was much better? (Would I be like the Israelites and long for Egypt instead of the promised land?)  So what does Julia know?  Does she know that in just a couple of years, all of her friends would scatter anyway, and she would have to make her way in life (just as happens in the US when kids leave high school and head off to college)?  Does she know the statistics that of graduating female orphans in Ukraine, 75% will wind up as prostitutes or dragged into the sex slave trade?  And what about me?  What do I expect?  Will she love me?  Or thank me?  Will she even learn English?  I DON'T know all things, neither can I control the future, or "cause all things to work for the good for those who love me".  The price I am paying is time and money, and some frustration thrown in.  Libby and I have decided to love our new daughter, not for anything she has done or will do, but because we have set our mind and heart to do so.  God has shown His love to us in this way: that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  So how intense was God's love for us?  "For God so loved [me] that he gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him, will not perish, but have everlasting life."  I only have to spend money.  My adoption cost the Son of God his LIFE.  The confidence we have, that we must have, is that God knows all these things, he DOES know our future, and the plans He has for us and for Julia.  We keep pressing forward, not with clear vision, but with hope that God hears and acts and will cause all things to work for our good and His glory, because we love him and are called according to his purposes.